A little bio to start with
Well this is a first for me! I've never intentionnaly compose an article in english without thinking it in french first. I hope you'll forgive me if some sentences don't make much sense.
This article is to indroduce myself. I'm a 42 years old french canadian parent (biological father) of three absolutely marvellous children. Of course, I'm transgender! I made my coming out in the beginning of 2015. I know that I'm trans since my oldest memories. Being raise as a catholic, all of my life I denied my rights to be myself. I was too afraid of rejection or even worst; persecution. But none of theses happened in my case, of course I've lost 1 or 2 friends, but in a way they weren't worthy of me; they didn't like me in any other ways than being male. So, I guess, it was logical to loose them anyway.
As for my family...
Here in eastern Canada and particularly in Quebec, we stay together for years without thinking a single time of wedding. In fact, weddings are rapidly decreasing around here and I'd say that thoses who wed, are almost the exception now around here. It is so much simpler to seperate if you aren't married. In my case, I've been with my ex-girlfriend for almost 14 years. Our separation went very well, since we always were more friends than lovers. And, as you may have guessed, my gender dysphoria was a great part of it even if I tried very hard to suppress it. I was physically a very male man (almost a "bear type"). But my personnality, althought sometime impulsive and subject to depression (because I was denying my true self to exist), was in a way very female alike. When I say "female alike", I don't mean my talkings and mannerisms, I mean the way my brain is thinking. I was not as focus (A to B) like a "real" man (I know, I know there's always exceptions), I was gentle and always caring more about others than myself in a very mother alike way, except with a very male body.
How I was living
I raised my children myself by staying at home, like a traditionnal family woman does. Of course, there was some logical reasons to take this arrangement with my girlfriend at the time. We were in heavy and I mean very heavy home improvements and my father was slowly dying because of a very rare condition related with Alzheimer's disease which was called Benson's syndrom and I was his caregiver. So, my days where filled with manual work, childcare and with taking care of my father papers and other diverse duties. My father died in 2012 and it as been a huge relief; he wasn't suffering anymore and me neither by whatching him degrading is everyway. By september 2013, me and my girlfriend were separated, she kept the house I almost enterely rebuild and gave me my fare share of it. She's now with a great (very male type) guy. I'm also happy about it, because my children were very attached to this house builded by their father. We fairly negociated our seperation without any emotionnal vendetta. We've splitted everything 50/50 including our children's time share (They switch home every week, which is not very hard: we live about 5 mins walk from each other). It couldn't have been better and in that way I'm a very lucky woman!
Here in eastern Canada and particularly in Quebec, we stay together for years without thinking a single time of wedding. In fact, weddings are rapidly decreasing around here and I'd say that thoses who wed, are almost the exception now around here. It is so much simpler to seperate if you aren't married. In my case, I've been with my ex-girlfriend for almost 14 years. Our separation went very well, since we always were more friends than lovers. And, as you may have guessed, my gender dysphoria was a great part of it even if I tried very hard to suppress it. I was physically a very male man (almost a "bear type"). But my personnality, althought sometime impulsive and subject to depression (because I was denying my true self to exist), was in a way very female alike. When I say "female alike", I don't mean my talkings and mannerisms, I mean the way my brain is thinking. I was not as focus (A to B) like a "real" man (I know, I know there's always exceptions), I was gentle and always caring more about others than myself in a very mother alike way, except with a very male body.
How I was living
I raised my children myself by staying at home, like a traditionnal family woman does. Of course, there was some logical reasons to take this arrangement with my girlfriend at the time. We were in heavy and I mean very heavy home improvements and my father was slowly dying because of a very rare condition related with Alzheimer's disease which was called Benson's syndrom and I was his caregiver. So, my days where filled with manual work, childcare and with taking care of my father papers and other diverse duties. My father died in 2012 and it as been a huge relief; he wasn't suffering anymore and me neither by whatching him degrading is everyway. By september 2013, me and my girlfriend were separated, she kept the house I almost enterely rebuild and gave me my fare share of it. She's now with a great (very male type) guy. I'm also happy about it, because my children were very attached to this house builded by their father. We fairly negociated our seperation without any emotionnal vendetta. We've splitted everything 50/50 including our children's time share (They switch home every week, which is not very hard: we live about 5 mins walk from each other). It couldn't have been better and in that way I'm a very lucky woman!
My coming out
I'm a very sensitive person. So, I took little steps progessively before my coming out. But I did my coming like a lumberjack yells "timber" five seconds before the tree fall down. I did it on facebook! Yeah, I know... But most of my extended family were "friend" with me on fb and some lived very far from me. As expected, some were stunned: the guy went from a bear to a lady! Most of them were very accepting. Since both my parents are dead now, I feel like I have no obligation to maintain links with my extended family. So I got rid of most of my father's side of my family; they were to much traditional anyway and I kept most of my mother's family side.
I'm a very sensitive person. So, I took little steps progessively before my coming out. But I did my coming like a lumberjack yells "timber" five seconds before the tree fall down. I did it on facebook! Yeah, I know... But most of my extended family were "friend" with me on fb and some lived very far from me. As expected, some were stunned: the guy went from a bear to a lady! Most of them were very accepting. Since both my parents are dead now, I feel like I have no obligation to maintain links with my extended family. So I got rid of most of my father's side of my family; they were to much traditional anyway and I kept most of my mother's family side.
My children
My children were raised by me. So, I'm a very open thinking person and of course I've raised them to be the same. Although, very traditional and in a way conservative, their mother's also very open minded. But, even with those favorables conditions, I was very anxious to do my coming out to my children. So, I preserved them as long as I could from my truth... That was just a waste of time! When I came out to them, there was no big deal. They just wanted for me to be happy and to be loved by me whatever I look like. It was such a relief and it's because of their acceptance that I'm here today!
My children were raised by me. So, I'm a very open thinking person and of course I've raised them to be the same. Although, very traditional and in a way conservative, their mother's also very open minded. But, even with those favorables conditions, I was very anxious to do my coming out to my children. So, I preserved them as long as I could from my truth... That was just a waste of time! When I came out to them, there was no big deal. They just wanted for me to be happy and to be loved by me whatever I look like. It was such a relief and it's because of their acceptance that I'm here today!
What I do for a living?
I don't "earn" any money, which doesn't mean that I'm not working. This is the hardest part of my coming out/transition. Since I don't have any "usable" diploma combined with the way I look (Now, I'm somewhere in between...) I'm out of work. I'm living on my own bank money without any support from the governement other than a small childcare support which is split 50/50 with my children's mother. This is THE PART of my life which is causing me to be anxious about money and about my futur. While at home, I'm not loosing my time; I'm writing a lot. Most of my work is in french. I'm maintening two blogs (which can easily be translated in any language by the google translation) and I also write novels and fictional stories.
Well I'll stop here for now. I just wanted to introduce myself and share with you how I'm living my transition until now. I'll probably send more texts in a very near future.
I don't "earn" any money, which doesn't mean that I'm not working. This is the hardest part of my coming out/transition. Since I don't have any "usable" diploma combined with the way I look (Now, I'm somewhere in between...) I'm out of work. I'm living on my own bank money without any support from the governement other than a small childcare support which is split 50/50 with my children's mother. This is THE PART of my life which is causing me to be anxious about money and about my futur. While at home, I'm not loosing my time; I'm writing a lot. Most of my work is in french. I'm maintening two blogs (which can easily be translated in any language by the google translation) and I also write novels and fictional stories.
Well I'll stop here for now. I just wanted to introduce myself and share with you how I'm living my transition until now. I'll probably send more texts in a very near future.
~Stephanie Alyson Gravel
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